What if the Jones’s Are My Friends?
I like my friends, but some of them spend too much money. I’m not a big spender myself, so sometimes it’s hard to relate when my friends are telling me about their latest purchases or planning vacations to exotic locales. Sometimes I wish they would just live within their means and save for the future (or at least stop talking about their spending habits). But then again, we all have different financial situations and needs—and if my friends’ spending makes them happy, then that’s great! The important thing is that we’re all working toward our own goals without making each other feel bad along the way.
How to deal with friends who spend too much money
- Don’t try to change them. You can’t make your friends change their spending habits, but you can change your own. If they continue to spend too much money, it will just be harder for you to stop yourself from spending your own.
- Don’t get jealous of their spending habits and try not to feel inferior or inadequate because they have nicer things than you do. It’s important to remember that these things don’t define who they are as people—you should focus on what makes them good friends instead of what material goods they possess.
- Set limits for yourself regarding how much money you’ll spend on certain items in order not go over budget and get into financial trouble later down the line (like paying interest payments). This way, if someone else buys something expensive without asking if it’s okay first then there won’t be any hard feelings about denying them access into our lives
Create your own definition of success.
While it’s important to listen to the advice of others, you should never let them define success for you. Don’t compare yourself to others and don’t try to be someone you’re not. Instead, create your own definition of success based on what YOU like doing, who YOU want to be and how much time YOU want to spend working each week.
Stop comparing yourself to others online.
It’s easy to get down on yourself when you see other people doing things that you want to do or achieving the same level of success that you want. While it’s great to have goals and aspirations, don’t let social media make you feel bad about your own situation.
Don’t compare your life to others’ online either. Social media can be a place where everyone looks like they’re having a better time than they actually are — especially when it comes to money and spending habits! Focus on what matters most: enjoying the present moment and making sure that your finances are in order so that you can enjoy life going forward.
Create a few criteria for making spending decisions.
If you’re like many people, your friends are always trying to get you to spend more money. That’s because they don’t understand how much of a problem it is for you—and why it’s important to cut back on spending.
If you want to avoid this cycle, start by creating some criteria for making spending decisions. Here are some questions that can help:
- Is the thing I’m thinking about buying worth it? If so, how much does it cost? Is there another way I could get what I want or need that wouldn’t cost as much money?
- Does this purchase align with my values and priorities? Am I just buying something because someone else has it or because everyone else in my peer group has bought one too? Or am I investing in a product or service that will bring me joy and happiness over time (not just right now)?
- Could I afford this purchase if something unexpected happened (like an emergency)? Would being financially stable be more important than owning things that aren’t essential for survival but might make me happy for short periods of time (like clothes shopping)?
Create rules for yourself on how you’ll interact with friends who might try to pressure you into spending more than you would like to.
- Keep your finances to yourself. Don’t go into detail about your spending habits, especially if you don’t want to hear about theirs.
- Feel good about the way you spend money. There’s nothing wrong with buying things for yourself and for other people—as long as those things are affordable and fit within your budget, there’s no reason not to treat yourself or others when the time is right.
- Don’t feel like you have to justify how much or how little money you spend on anything. If someone asks why a purchase cost what it did, simply answer them truthfully (e.g., “I couldn’t find any cheaper ones that were high quality enough”). Otherwise, keep quiet; there is no need for anyone else but you and your bank account balance sheet to know exactly how much something cost!
- Do not let other people’s spending habits affect how much or little they do spend on themselves/others/things they enjoy doing together (or separately).
Work on how you talk about your own financial situation if you feel inclined to share it with friends.
If you’re thinking about sharing your financial situation with friends, I’d encourage you to do so. It’s important to be honest with the people in your life, and being able to talk about money is a great way for everyone involved to understand each other better.
It’s also okay for them to ask for help if they need it—and vice versa! If you see that a friend needs some cash and has no other options available at the moment, offer them some help. And even though it might be uncomfortable for both parties at first, try not to take offense when that same friend offers their own assistance down the road (as long as it isn’t a burden).
You should also consider talking about goals and fears when discussing money matters. If one of your friends starts talking about how excited they are about their upcoming trip abroad or new apartment purchase—and then gets upset because they aren’t saving enough money—it can be helpful if others point out that there are ways around this problem without making anyone feel bad.
Don’t let the lifestyle creep creep in!
Lifestyle creep is a sneaky thing. It sneaks up on you when you’re not looking, and before you know it, your spending habits have changed significantly. You might find yourself spending more money on things than you used to—and that’s OK! As long as your spending stays within your budget, it’s fine to eat out or buy new clothes every once in awhile. But if the habit gets out of control and goes against what your budget says is required for survival (or even just getting by), then that’s where lifestyle creep comes in.
Lifestyle creep can happen for many reasons: maybe there was an increase in income; maybe some bills were paid off; maybe someone got married or had children and now wants a nicer house or apartment with more space; maybe someone bought an expensive computer or smartphone and suddenly wants all kinds of accessories for it (because technology). Whatever the reason may be, lifestyle creep happens when we let our desire for comfort get ahead of our finances—and this often leads us into debt.
Instead of trying to change someone else’s behavior, work on how you interact with them.
Focusing on your own behavior is a much more effective way of helping someone else. When you’re trying to change someone else’s behavior and it doesn’t work, it can make you feel frustrated, angry and helpless. Instead of trying to change someone else’s behavior, work on how you interact with them.
Focusing on the parts of yourself that are causing the problem will help you figure out what needs to change in order for both of you to be happier. For instance:
- If feeling like I can’t control my spending makes me unhappy because I’m always worried about money or judging myself for spending too much money when others seem fine doing so (or whatever), then I’ll probably want to work on those things in myself first before trying again with my friend/family member who has an expensive hobby or habit.*
Focus on Yourself
In closing, I want to say that there’s no one right way to deal with friends who might spend too much money. The best thing you can do is develop a strategy that works for you and stick with it. Remember: it’s not about changing their behavior—it’s about changing yours!
