Does anyone actually describe themselves as “well off” or “having it all”, or does that label exist only for other people and never for ourselves? We are perhaps societally conditioned to always want more than we currently have, thus we never describe ourselves as having all the things we want and leading to discontentment. If we are always striving to have what someone else has and benchmarking our socio-economic status by comparing ourselves to what someone else has or is able to consume, then who is actually “well off”? If everyone is striving to keep up with the Joneses, then who are the Joneses? Could they be you?
The Joneses are actually anyone who spend more money than you, regardless of if they actually make any more money than you. They are the people who have “show-off” money and you can see how they spend it by their nice cars, homes, clothing, electronics and accessories, vacations, dinners out, and even large charitable donations. Anyone who is flaunting their relative wealth, even if it is inadvertent flaunting, could be The Joneses to someone else who has less purchasing power. The Joneses do not need to have more money than you, they only need to have the perception of more money than you.
Magic Mirror On The Wall
Upon closer inspection, you may find that the family you had been jealously comparing yourself to for their frequent vacations to Disney world, actually makes less money than your family. Maybe you have so much debt that you have little money for expensive vacations, or maybe you choose to fund your kids’ college fund before vacation spending. Maybe the Joneses indeed cannot afford the Disney trips and have to finance the trip or they make them at the expense of investing for retirement. Alternatively, maybe the family are super penny pinchers who scored an amazing discount on their vacation and otherwise would not have gone. Or they indeed have all their financial ducks in a row and indeed just have more money to burn. The grass may be greener on your neighbor’s lawn because they have to spend a lot of time and effort to maintain it that you are unwilling to expend, or maybe you realize that they actually have astroturf and are trying to pretend it is grass. Pulling back the curtain on the Joneses finances may reveal truths that you would rather not covet.
A Competition With Only Losers
There’s no need to be in competition with your friends or neighbors. When everyone is constantly in competition with someone else, we are all losers. We all have our own money mindset and each set our own spending and income earning priorities. Spending money is a choice. If we all had to walk around with our 401k savings balance on our foreheads, a lot of people would be exposed for prioritizing spending now without saving for the future. As a financial planner, I have clients that have a high income but little to no savings because they spend the majority of their money now. I also have clients that have moderate incomes and high savings because they spend and save. But, when you drive around town most folks are impressed by client #1 because they spend that “show off” money.
Comparison is the thief of joy
The way out of this constant cycle of comparing and jealousy is to remember that things are not always what they seem, and to gain gratitude and joy for what you have. The Joneses should be the family that is able to save for each of their kids to go to college debt free, provide a comfortable home, have savings for their retirement, and take an occasional vacation or other luxury. But most of what we compare ourselves to are only the tip of a person’s financial situation. Instead, we should be seeking to get off this comparison train and gain humility and gratitude. Being unhappy with what you have and your choices can rob you of joy. Choose instead to seek financial and spiritual balance and harmony so that you can be happy with your finances and lifestyle. A recipe for a miserable life is to constantly chase something bigger and better and to never be satisfied. Maybe you need a drastic change to see that, like quitting your job and becoming a cow herder, or maybe you just need some introspection to see what truly can lead you to happiness and contentment. Finding that contentment through gratitude and humility can change your entire life, get you out of the comparing game, and slay the green monster of envy.
Comparison is all about perspective. For some, you may be the Joneses that they are looking up to, wishing they had all you have. And here you are looking at another wishing you had what they had. But truly, the Joneses are not people who are better than you, or even necessarily better off than you. They are merely people who spend more than you, and in a visible way. Aspirational living is about living your best life and looking to improve upon your life in ways that make it better and bring you happiness. There is nothing wrong with looking to improve your income or how you spend that income, but living consumed with jealousy because you want what someone else has or what you think you are supposed to have is definitely not living your best life.
