Having a baby and deciding on childcare options to care for your special bundle of joy is a very personal decision that is best made based on each family’s individual circumstances. Choosing whether a parent should stay home with your baby is a tough decision. Nonetheless, we can offer a few helpful pointers to frame the discussion and help you run a cost/benefit analysis.
Let’s look at the most common childcare options: a parent staying home with the child, a non-parent family member caring for the child, hiring a nanny, or enrolling the child in a daycare center. Firstly, you want to consider some blanket facts for your situation. How much money do you have to spend on childcare, could you afford to live on a single income, and do both spouses want to return to work? Setting a baseline need and a budget for your family helps determine what options you can consider.
- Stay-at-Home Parent
Choosing to have one spouse stay at home depends on three primary factors: a) can you afford to live on a single income?, b) do one of you want to be a stay-at-home parent?, and c) do you want to return to your work outside of the home?
Choosing the stay-at-home parent route sometimes seems simple if one parent’s salary would be spent entirely on childcare, but there are other costs to consider. The negative impact of leaving the workforce, both on the individual’s psyche, their future earning potential, and lost retirement benefits/contributions, can be dramatic. Leaving the workforce for even five years is estimated to cost over $642,000 in these lost benefits.
An ideal situation for a family choosing to have a parent stay home with the child would be that the parent is not inclined to return to their former employment, they can financially thrive on one income, and the stay-at-home parent is interested and of the right temperament to be home with the child. Remember, not all parents enjoy being a stay-at-home parent. It is a difficult and often isolating job, though it can be also very rewarding. As with any job, it is what you make of it. If you are a parent that is willing to schedule playdates, engage in enrichment activities, can keep up with the housework, maintain a schedule for you and the child, and maintain communication with other adults, you can succeed as a stay-at-home parent. If you find that by default of financial and family circumstances one parent must choose to stay home, it can be a difficult choice fraught with resentment at stepping out of the workforce and can lead to depression. Staying home requires handling the day-to-day child rearing work but also the emotional needs of the parent.
Other things to consider are deciding how long the parent will stay out of the workforce, whether they will try to work part-time from home or take on freelance projects to keep their skills and connections current, and how they plan to return to work in a few years and compete against a new set of potential employees. Sometimes the best option will be some kind of flex arrangement wherein parents work opposing days/schedules and are able to trade off being home with the kid(s). Also, teachers have a built-in advantage of being able to be home for summers and not having to pay for child-care year round.
- Staying with a Family Member
Another option to care for the child but keep them close to home is to have a non-parent family member provide full time childcare while both parents work. That family member is most often a nearby grandparent but could be an aunt, uncle, cousin, or even a close friend that you trust like family. When considering whether a family member would be a good choice to care for your little one, here are some primary considerations.
Is the family member in good enough health to care for the child, not just when they are an immobile infant but also as a rambunctious toddler? Is the family member open to understanding what medical and societal standards for child care have changed in the last 30 years and understands updated infant safety guidelines and recommendations from the American Association of Pediatricians, including the proper use and installation of car seats, no water or solid foods under 6 months of age, paced feeding, not being around smoking, not using blankets or bumpers in cribs, safe sleeping practices, mixing formula or storing breastmilk properly, having the caregiver receive all necessary vaccines to protect the child, etc? Can the family member adhere to the parents’ standard of care and are they willing to follow instructions from the parent without resentment?
Additional considerations are if the family member will be caring for the child at their home or at the child’s home, how the child will receive socialization with other children and other enrichment activities, if you will compensate the family member for their time caring for your child and how much, etc. Be sure to flesh these out specifically with any family member caring for your child and it is beneficial to write them down so there is no misunderstanding and later confusion or resentment. Being clear about expectations from all parties ensures everyone is on the same page. Having a family care for your child can be an enriching experience for multiple generations but can lead to frustration and tense Thanksgiving dinners if expectations are not met.
- Hiring a Nanny
Hiring a nanny allows you to carefully vet and select a single person to care for your child in your own home. This gives a nice in-between of having a single caregiver and the child at home but allowing the parents to both return to work. Hiring a nanny also removes some of the discomfort about directing and managing a family member and instead creates a clear employee-employer relationship. Vetting a nanny is important and crucial, as you want to make sure they are trustworthy and reliable, trained in infant CPR, have experience caring for and (preferably) teaching children, and are well aware of infant and child safety guidelines.
You can find a nanny through referrals from other parents, nanny referral companies, or websites like Care.com. Be sure to run a background check, check references, and thoroughly interview the prospective nanny. Be clear on the responsibilities of the nanny including your specific rules and guidelines, whether they will drive the child anywhere, if they will do light housework, approvals for planned outings with the child, etc. Discuss how your child will get socialization and if you will have the nanny bring your child to playgroups or story time at the library. Also set out any expectations for educational curriculum and enrichment based on your child’s needs and the nanny’s training. Costs for a nanny may vary but are usually on par with or more expensive than paying for a daycare center since you are paying for one-on-one care. Remember, the IRS will consider your nanny a household employee and you will be responsible for paying taxes and adhering to applicable employment laws.
- Enrolling at a Daycare Center
The last and often very popular option is to enroll the child in a daycare center in your town. Daycare often comes in two forms: in-home childcare and a daycare center. In-home childcare is exactly what it sounds like: childcare run out of the provider’s home. The in-home care will usually be licensed with the state and follow all the same guidelines as a larger daycare center, though not all states require this so the standards may vary considerably. The in-home care facility is often smaller with less children and one or two employees. The in-home setting may be more flexible to accommodate a parent or child’s special needs and may offer more flexible hours. It may or may not include a curriculum or classroom-type educational setting and may be more like supervised free play. Owners and employees at an in-home childcare location may have lots of experience with raising children and may be former teachers, but some may have limited experience and lack credentials in childhood education.
Daycare centers are often more school-like in atmosphere and are larger centers which cater to children of wider age ranges since the center has more staff and can accommodate children from infant to pre-school in separate classrooms. All daycare centers must be licensed by the state and regularly inspected, so research your state’s guidelines and read the inspection reports on prospective centers posted on your state’s licensing authority’s website. Daycare centers often employ people with experience working with children or who have studied early childhood education and are usually managed by a daycare center director who usually has teaching and childhood development experience. The environment is often more structured and adheres to an educational curriculum based on the child’s age and development. Some centers may have specific learning styles, like Montessori, that they follow. Daycare centers may be operated as part of a chain and have specific company policies they adhere to, so they may be less flexible about your potty-training method requests or flexible hours.
Costs for daycare vary based on location and type of care (in-home or daycare center), as well as by specific center. A daycare center that includes chef-prepared meals and foreign language immersion will cost more than the in-home childcare that requires you to prepare and bring in all meals and snacks for the child. If you choose to go the daycare route, the most common issue is the lack of available space since states carefully regulate the child-to-caregiver ratio, so waiting lists are common. Ideally, start researching and touring daycare options before the child is born as many locations may have waiting lists of 6 months to a year or more. As with any childcare provider, be sure to tour the center and carefully inspect the facility, interview the staff and owners, and get referrals and recommendations. And yes, children in daycare and around other children all day will get sick more often within their first year of care, but their immune systems will rise to the occasion and they will cease the constant colds. Plus, they get the social benefit of interacting with several children and adults each day.
There is a lot to consider when deciding if your spouse should stay home with your child and determining the right childcare route to take. Ultimately, you should do what is best for your family. It may not always be a simple cost-benefit analysis. If you feel that the right option is to take the financial hit and your spouse drops out of the workforce for five years or forever, then that is the best option for you. Or alternatively, it may be best to hire a nanny or put the child in the most prestigious and expensive daycare center in town. These guideposts should help you frame the decision-making process to make the best choice for your family.
